Posts Tagged ‘social mirrors’

Variation on a theme

Monday, January 4th, 2010

I recently saw the movie Up. From what I hear, it’s been tremendously popular. My opinion of it was not quite unilaterally favorable—but I did like it.

The things I didn’t like were that the plot was a little crazy, and the true nature of Charles Muntz, Ellie’s lifelong hero, was disappointing…but I don’t want to give anything away.

What I did like was pretty much everything else: the animation, especially the facial expressions and body movements; the characters’ personalities; the lines. But my favorite thing was how the animals “talked”…but didn’t really.

Stop reading here if you don’t want it spoiled for you!

Now, I may be in small company with this opinion, but I don’t like movies in which animals talk. It just isn’t believable. Animals communicating with each other, okay. But animals cannot talk. They don’t have the part of the brain where the speech center is located. They don’t have the right shape mouth or facial muscles. They don’t have the intelligence to formulate complex thoughts.

But!

This is where Up solved the problem in a way that works for me. Being an animal lover, I know that animals think, and their thoughts are usually related to things such as food, needs for exercise or going to the bathroom, comfort or discomfort, and their feelings for their humans. So, in this movie, those thoughts are translated, by means of an electronic collar, into speech understandable by humans. So for example, a dog can certainly think (or feel, depending on how you look at  it) “I love you” to its master. If technology were able to translate those thoughts/feelings into human speech, a dog could indeed talk. So simple in theory!

As far as movie magic goes, it worked for me.

Chance encounter, moment of affirmation

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Yesterday as I was driving in town, I passed a young (college-age) family friend walking along the road. I rolled down the window and asked if she’d like a ride. Although she was only about half a mile from her destination, she happily accepted the ride—and an unexpected opportunity to chat.

From what I know of this young woman’s difficulties in life, I wasn’t surprised when she said she was considering getting a psychological evaluation. I told her I’d trained as a volunteer counselor with a particular organization, and that while I wasn’t actually doing any counseling with this group at this time, I could recommend them as a starting point.

She thanked me for the information and said I was a good counselor anyway—that she felt free to talk when she was at my home.

Now I’m going to take this opportunity to remind you, my reader, to check out my e-book Help! I Need a Hug, and/or sign up for the message series in the opt-in box.

How much do the opinions of others matter?

Monday, July 6th, 2009

I was at a Fourth of July party, and as we were waiting for the fireworks to start, I happened to be sitting at a table with several people who seemed to be related to each other, but whom I’d never met before. At one point, someone quoted a well-known self-development speaker and writer as saying something like:

Your sense of self-worth should be so secure that what others think has no effect on you.

Another person argued that humans are social creatures, and a person who “doesn’t care” what others think has something wrong with him or her.

So which is it?

Well, I was determined to just listen and not get involved, because if this turned into a family argument, I didn’t want to be part of it! But should we care what others think of us…or not?

Well, let’s say Person A has such a well-developed sense of self that the opinions of others don’t affect her. To praise and criticisms alike, she shows no reaction.

Person B, on the other hand, cares very much what others think of him. He gets a compliment; he soars. He gets insulted; down he goes into the emotional dungeon.

Who’s normal? Well, I think “normal” falls somewhere between these two extremes. Yes, we should care what others think of us; the term “social mirrors” comes to mind. That is, we can gain some valuable insight about ourselves by what others think of us. If we receive a lot of negative feedback on a particular behavior, for example, we might consider that this particular behavior is not socially appropriate. Lots of negative feedback could, however, mean we’re hanging out with the wrong kinds of people (negative people).

Positive feedback is generally a good thing, unless it means you’re surrounded by people who flatter you falsely because they want something from you.

So, yes, what others think of you does matter. But it’s not as important as what you think of yourself! Because if you don’t have a good sense of self-worth, no amount of positive feedback from others can outweigh that low sense of self-worth.